as much as i hate to say, i still suffer the swings.
no doubt that i have a love-hate relationship with you.
liberal on you, relentless on me.

i'm super happy that you've found your happiness
and i have a new jie fu.

I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MY SHEER HAPPINESS
AND EXCITEMENT.wheee!! :D

i hate goodbyes.

last day of attachment.
and the parting was bittersweet.

the dinner the day before totally caught me
offguard but i was pleasantly surprised(:

"As I grow older I find it hard to say things."

The best place to unwind and talk.
It appears more lucid that...

I long to sit back to back with you on the planks of the jetty to have a tete-a-tete
with you under the stars just like what we did the last time and reminisce.

I miss you,and come home soon!(:

i was on MC today.
i slept for thirteen hours.
it felt like heaven (:

a little step closer to be enlightened.

you are oblivious(because i didnt breathe a single word)
but anyone who has read any entries related to some 'heart-break'
or emotional baggage crisis,they all revolves around you.

but it has stopped and i'm probably 9/10 over you
thats why faith and courage has been working things out for
me miraculously well.thank God (:

"It is not complicated,but it takes courage."


A little more courage.
A little more faith.

The two seems to be doing the job miraculously well.
Turning around for the better :D

Rivermaya
You'll Be Safe Here

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:
Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:
When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear

You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears

Wounded heart
When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

i staggered out even if it was transitory.
but everything is good now.
so if it return?
i'll give a pat on my back and whisper adamantly,'you go girl.'
thats more like it,i reckoned.
(and thank you kym,really)

5 more weeks and
ITS OVERRR!haha!

maybe steamboat on hari raya at jb's house.
gathering AGAIN! (desiree take MC la)
i'm looking forward to it.

i've got no idea why is the junk food t sensation overwhelming me.
but they're steeply priced i.e. 40 bucks on average?






maybe a cola or red bull.maybe a singha or chang
from thailand is nice (and cheap)?
no no no save money

anyway the haze has been pretty bad these days
PSI 160 at 9pm.so take care everyone!

empty.

losing bearings.


THE REMEDY...


safely kept away in my shoebox.an acculmulation of cards and tiny notes of encouragement for the past two(coming to three) years.thank you desiree! i miss nyp life then.now come to think of it,we've gone through some tough stuff eh.like...

'WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!"





3 letters written in between classes!
inkyfingers card;the card that delivers 'i'm going to australia to study'.
the blue one;i'll always remember. its a tear jerker.
postcard;first written greeting from melbourne.

thank you kym!

Type your reactions when/if somebody say these to you:

Why are you always like that?
Like what..You know me,no?

I just realised now that I love you...
Hmmm,but I don't.Sorry..

Leave him/her already. You'll be much happier with me...
Are you old and filthy rich?

Come on, smile. You're cute when you do that...
A forced smile plastered over,"Go away la."

Who do you have a crush on? Me, right?
No shame.Thick skin.

I am so blessed to have someone like you...
Thank you?

Why does Monday come before Tuesday?
Go ask God.

I have two tickets to the Linkin Park Concert. Wanna come with me?
Sure...

You are one of the most special people in my life. Did you know that?
Nope,but thank you.

I think I'm falling for you...
You're shitting me.

I can't smile without you...
So you're gonna be a grump?

Thank you for everything, but you just aren't him/her...
Orh okay,I don't expect anything in return anyway.Bye.

Nothing...
Huh?

What is your mobile number?
Say it out(one number one dollar)

Can I have this dance?
Don't blame me if I step on your toes.

Do you still love him/her till now?
Yes-No

You were everything, everything I wanted...
I think you have a heavy emotional baggage.

When will I get your sweet yes?
Yes is yes,what 'sweet yes'.

all thanks to jiabi.the golds' maid is soooo intelligent eh.
haha..

went to bugis today with kaishi,bala,poh choo and her friend.came back empty handed.anyway,bumped into xiao ming and darren.miss those pulau ubin days man.lols.
work tmr and down to dawn's church anniversary tomorrow with maria!

and mummter/girlfriend/habi tou's friend/ah gua/JAE frien(oh my god it's been aeons).
i miss you.meet up soon and jia you at work!when i was typing away at ntuc i thought of the days when we worked at police cantonment.energy watching/francis/ bala's fart whom we mistook it as someone else's/overcharged zha zai fan/vitally palm prints!i miss ST,seriously.been like a year ago,no.

kym and desiree
i love you all!
(and others thats filling my mind now)

你真的以为你很了解我吗？
那只不过是表面上的知道。
我也不想再傻下去，自欺欺人。（：

boy,when are you gonna get serious.
7854236 years,no?ha..

sometimes it is so must better to experience it than to own it.

no ownership
no liability
no commitment
best of all,less/no harm inflicted.

so just confront it,embrace it,enjoy it and let go of it

the collage (:

thank you for the photos, jiabi maria!

desiree sounds so much like xiang.like a low,deep,manly wen..thank you for making my day.i cant help but smile and smile when i read back the messages and that particular morning call.really!makes the morning so good.we shall continue this vagary!incongruous but thats between the mummters!lol.

had dinner with mummts,bala,jean and jiabi at wisma's ding tai feng yesterday.xiao long bao,porkchop,prawn pancakes,xia ren chao fan,hot and spicy soup and yam dumplings.now that i have them listed,my cravings for them is gonna be insatiable.next was ben & jerry with 'girlfriend' and 'snap snap' time.we must meet up for shopping(running out of office wear) and dinner soon!

work has been grossly boring.not that i have little work to do but the computer screen(without internet somemore hor!)has been like my window to the world.feel like a zombie typing.been like this almost everyday after work except yesterday.partly because my mind is all about 翔！

p.s. kym trust me la,i'm serious about this taiwanese bloke la.lol.did darling bjorn get my card?hee..

我知道我接下来想说的话听起来很疯，但我也管不着了。

今天一看到你出现，我整个人真的傻掉了。
哈哈，看到你就很想抱紧你。
真可惜只能傻傻的望着你。
翔，我要再见你！我喜欢你。
满脑都是你！

另一个他，我再也不管了！

kbox-ing again yesterday morning and monopoly session with penny and company!haha..i owe pens 14 thousand dollars.bleahs..anyway she looked like a deer in the headlight in one of the photos.so lost.all thanks to bro,hard gay is sickening-ly, perverted-ly and annoying-ly funny.

not so good feelings are easy to dissemble but not the happy ones! now that exams are over, i'm savoring every minute i have with mummter and those that i'm (went) going out with (er jie,bala,bee ling). thank you all,i enjoyed myself yesterday and today.not to be missed is the entertainment derived from the exchange of banter over xiang xiang aka xiao mei with mummter's friend.i'm so happyyy(:

by the way do you see bottles of nail polish on the table in the third photo?well manucurist cum karaoke enthusiast tan ying ying attacked bala's nails, her nails and my thumb,decorating them (with fake diamonds) with great gusto.if only those were real diamonds.heheh.



also had a belated day celebration with ziling and wanni at pizza hut.been years since we meet together.too bad fan couldnt make it :/ but there's always next time. i hope i can go out jalan jalan with daddy tmr(otherwise when i start ipp,there isnt much time to talk nonsense and ka jiao him) despite my penchant for a game of monopoly with pen and co(its uniquely singapore version okay).

the only think for me to look forward to monday is 7 pm at bugis.i cant wait. because it means another opportunity to see mummter,bala and whoever who's interested in going!anyone?anyone?haha!

i wanna go up and say,"我喜欢你，我爱你。。。嫁给我吧！"to xiao mei.
but better not pin too much hope on seeing him,have a 'neutral anticipation'.
因为我不喜欢一场欢喜一场空的感觉。

the impending apprehension of ipp is undoubtedly unnerving but like my kym say,i can sail through it.and i have to believe that too.otherwise how am i going to go through the 11 weeks.i'll call desiree up everyday to 诉苦.

p.s. kymmie i saw mardiana!she's doing fine(:

其实把心里的事憋在心里一点都不好受

我也不晓得为什么会这么难把心里话说出来

总之胸口很沉闷就对了，一点都不好受。

现在想起来，我觉得自己超瞎，为什么偏偏会喜欢他。

气死人了！！！


往好的方面看，小美要来了。

但不知道有机会看到他吗。

thank you mummter for listening and encouraging!im gonna miss you during ipp.bleahs!i know it sucks.and friday too!if you dont 'pry',i wouldnt say too.dont you realise that as time goes by by(unlike in year 1 & 2) .we'll just talk about that sort of stuff without prying.(at least it applys to me).too prideful,hard and reluctant to just say (:

and of course kym!how can i ever forget you.i text you and you immdeiately 'send your rescue'.thank you for your encouragement and belief!i have to sail through this,i know.this is the last thing that i want it to happen.but who knows :/

我已经很坚持要放手，可是为何要这么迟疑呢？

为什么还是这么固执呢，我自己也不晓得。

heaps of projects to be completed!
and the end of the week is coming
i have got no idea what i have been doing.

did something silly today.
called desiree and we started conversing.
no, i mean shouting and giggling over the
phone like some old senile women.

outta!

I wonder at eighteen what is expected of us.Yes,mature.Think like an adult.Fast-paced.Be considerate.Think for yourself (what's the trade off?) .

Yet eighteen can be dangerous.Ambitious.Intrepid.Do more than you can,maybe.The desire gnawing at you,to outgrow spawned by e-i-g-h-t-e-e-n.Poring over far-fetched issues albeit that you are still yards away.Future maybe.Thus,losing your foothold.

Does eighteen means you shed the boisterous teen image and erect a composed,understanding,intelluctual image like some young Victorian woman.So ya ya.

And does eighteen and the consecutive years means living up to expectations.Your own and others.Hoarding the inner you?Challenging you to keep up and salvage what you may be at risk of losing?

To change,yes.Yet the conflicting thing is,if you want to sustain the 'impression' of your lovely dearest, so how do you change?

One day an answer will be unravelled.

Dinner was great last night,such a spread.Joined by Kym's cousin and her kids.Thanks for the dinner,Kym.Even though Bjorn was all chattery and inquisitive through out I didn't mind at all.It had been quite a long time since I have seen him.

Well, he has grown lankier and he is wearing his glasses now.But still as handsome as before la.Lols.Still remembered vividly that he asked me in a very polite yet determined manner,"Natalie,you know how to play gameboy?I teach you to use the gears?Can you ask my mummy?"Ahh...

Elva has grown taller and slimmer I reckon.Still as considerate, helpful and polite as ever.A good host.And Kym ah,I got to witness Bjorn rooted to the floor when that particular TV commercial played.

Amina dearest, still the same,always the "contained yet endearing" daughter,sister and friend.Still pretty stoical at times.Not so endearing towards children("Never mind,you don't love me...").Getting hyped up when a gory scene of Alien and Predator appears.Lols.

Wish you good luck with er hem(he shall not be named).
Let's meet up before you fly back (:

happy birthday penny aunty! (: haha,thanks for your invitation it was real
fun today man.good food,good company.no doubt about that!anyway i will
pester you relentlessly for the million dollars unless you let me win
monopoly?

went for a picnic with pen at pasir ris park.though it was sultry,the company
and fun made up.soccer. frisbee.cycling. lorry-rides.hoho!ciao.

after immersing myself in express boy i dare say that i'm suffering
from withdrawal syndrome! heaps of projects and where am i
going to start?

ten more days and my 'royal sister' is back!

there's no more tagboard.find that my blog look somewhat clean
without a tag lols. but you guys can always treat the comments column as
the new tag.

just click on the empty barn or lost lamb (:

people need affirmation and that's when faith comes in.
it gives people something to believe in and move on.
it comforts the soul and heal the wound.

and recently,there's been a lot of what-ifs questions churning.

i am being coerced to blog in a different situation .

the main reason . . .
mr gsc is so so so out of point . he keeps singling people out to do things
for him.just now, da jie really tio chua cos he cocked his head right
beside her . she said she saw all his pores (to add on , blackheads ,
whites heads , dead skin cells blah blah blah)

getting edgy now. bah :/
save me !

p.s : see da jie i spaced every punctuation mark .

when dispirited, in lieu of thinking the customary negative thoughts
that sends a surge of desiccation right up your gut, run the reel of
blissful moments that can make you smile to yourself and sustain
the slightest light possesed.i guess that will suffice (:

::wide grin plastered over face::

photos from the chalet, as promised (:

Name 20 people you can think of right now at the top of your head.
Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20
people. Okay tag at least 5 people...

1. Kym
2. Desiree
3. Penny
4. Ziling
5. Irene
6. Kaishi
7. Shafinah
8. Jeryl
9. Kelvin
10. Dawn
11. Jean
12. Amanda
13. Darren
14. Kent
15. Jiabi
16. Mico
17. Chris
18. Adder
19. Max
20. Valerie


1. How did you meet 14?
Same class ah. He's part of this pseudo family tree, my grandson.

2. What would you do if you've never met 1?
I will not be who I am today. I would be total emotional nutcase.
No one would hear me ranting and air my angst etc.

3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
A big NO , because their characters are poles apart.

4. Did you ever like 19?
No. I bug him for Photoshop and PSP only, lols.

5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
No, cause my er jie is attached!

6. Describe 3.
She looks like a human and she had her trigus pierced (always kena hoot).
A great companion and Happy Meal bud. Because of her jokes and
nonsense, I always giggle.And, she extorts money from me from time to time.

7. Do you think 8 is attactive?
Hmmm, I don't know.Because we are acquaintances, don't know him well enough.

8. Tell me about 7.
She is a very thoughtful friend. She would gladly listen to your sorrows
and try her best to sympathise and empathise.But behind her,lies her story.

9. Do you know any of 12's family?
Hmmm..how can I say. Because I only met her family on her wedding.

10. What's 8's favourite?
I dont' know.

11. What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she likes you?
I will tell her, I like you too. Because you can feed me with your lovely
poems.

12. What language does 15 speak?
Mandarin, English and Hokkien.

13. What is 13's worst habit?
Haha, I don't know. But he speaks like kopi tiam uncle,lols.

14. How old is 16 now?
His birthday is not over, so he's 19.

15.When's the last time you talked to 13?
Pretty long, ever since the last day of the chalet.

16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
Haha,she's a Energy fanatic. And her favorite is Edy Hsiao (Ah Di)

17. Would you ever date 4?
Unless I'm a lesbian.

18. Would you ever date 7?
Again, unless I'm a lesbo.

19. Is 15 single?
Yes

20. What is 10's last name?
Tan

21.Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
Lols,we are already in a serious relationship with our husbands.

22.What school does 3 go to?
Thames at Jurong.

23. Where does 6 live?
Jurong

24. What's your favourite thing about 5?
She's adament,not easily waivered.

25. Have u seen number 1 naked?
Haha, just like her answer...No

5 people to tag...
1.Penny
2.Desiree
3.Irene
4.JiaBi
5.Mico

to be at ease i have to really really let go.relinquish unnecessary thoughts
and prioritise.afterall,new semester new 'resolutions'. back on track!

over to ziling's house yesterday to celebrate her birthday.it was super re
nao.nice happy family.haha,great catching up with some of my old school
pals too.great to see that all are doing well.and,there was my favorite boy,
rui rui(ziling's cousin).he's super cute.like a small adult.well-versed in
answering back at people.gonna be a smart boy next time (:

celebrated ziling's birthday today at cartel.haha,it was pretty good
considering that all four of us haven gathered together for so long.but the
food wasnt fantastic.will not visit there again unless its for dessert!

here are some shots:



love this photo of wanni,so deep in thought.great candid.



fanny and i,purported to look at the other angle.



nice light.nice environment.nice ladies (:


- relish the good stuff